a good day starts with a good morning

Wake up.

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Coffee (or tea).

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Food (pre-breakfast).

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Exercise!

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Food (breakfast).

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Appreciate.

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Alone time.

Doesn't always add up to a great day, but it's a good start and the best way for me to start my day.  So, here's to a great day!

there is hope! why I started this blog + a bit of history

Although the main purpose of this blog is to document my life before and during pregnancy, my blog has other purposes, too.  In the simplest terms, this blog is really just a public (anonymous) journal.  During adolescence and into my teens years, I kept multiple journals (which I methodically sought out and destroyed when I was older).  I always liked to write, whether it be journalling, writing short stories, or writing poetry.  Writing is therapeutic and therapeutic things are good; therefore, I shall write!

Another purpose of this blog is to show those people suffering from mood disorders that it is entirely possible to lead a happy, successful, and fulfilling life while living with and managing a mental illness.  (I am!)  My hope is that my blog will somehow reach individuals who are currently struggling and looking for hope.  Many websites and blogs aimed at the bipolar community contain heartbreaking and hopeless comments.  It made me really sad to think that there are individuals out there looking for hope and not finding any.  So, to those of you looking for hope:  A bipolar diagnosis is not equivalent to a life sentence of being "crazy" or "insane".  Having bipolar disorder does not necessarily mean that you will always be consumed either by devastating depression or euphoric, overwhelming mania.  I know there are individuals out there that struggle throughout their lives and never find balance.  But that does not have to be the case for you, and it is certainly not the case for me.

I take 2 (monstrous) pills every night before I go to sleep.  I hate that I am dependent upon a drug, but I am.  If I have to take a couple of pills every night in order to maintain a healthy life, I'll do it.  My medication is right up there in the oxygen/food/water category.  It's just a necessary part of my life.  I have been taking medication religiously for over 10 years.  I'm 29 now.  I've had one severe manic episode that landed me in the hospital for a week.  I entered the hospital as a new high school graduate who had lost her grip on reality.  I left the hospital with a label - Bipolar Disorder I.  I've never been hospitalized again.  Since my diagnosis, I've had a few episodes of hypomania and periods of mild depression, but nothing that interfered with my life.  My last hypomanic episode was about 5 years ago.  So, I feel like I'm doing pretty well.  I'm a work in progress, but I consider myself a success story.  I found out early in my life that I'd have to learn to live with a mental illness, and I've done just that - I've learned how to live with it.

I guess I consider myself one of the lucky ones.  But I still understand the pain and suffering.  I have been on the swinging pendulum.  I have the scars, both physical and emotional, to show for it.  But today, I'm doing just fine.

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A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

~ Laozi

stress

Let me just take a moment to talk about stress (this was originally going to be a post on my history, but that will have to wait.)

Stress is a healthy, if not necessary part of our lives.  But sometimes, I feel like I just can't handle it.  It weighs me down, it squashes me, it makes me want to run away and hide, curl up under the covers, shut my eyes, and sleep it all away.

I can usually manage stress, but some things... well, they just get to me.  And today, that was booking a flight.  Why oh why do I find it so stressful?  It really comes down to two things: making a decision and spending money.  And the reason I think it's so difficult is because the two are connected.  I'm sure you've been there before; it goes a little like this: "I can book this cheap flight and get up at the crack of dawn in order to catch my flight, or I can book this more expensive flight and leave the house at a reasonable hour."  Never mind the options of waiting a day to book the flight because the price might decrease, and making travel dates flexible, and choosing different airports, and figuring out the cheapest way to get to the airport, and rental cars, and and and...  Overwhelming, much?

I should be thankful that I have the opportunity to fly somewhere in the first place.  I should focus on the fact that the end result is seeing family or friends or going on vacation or returning home to my husband and my kitties.  The end result is something that makes me happy.  So, I summon my strength, punch Stress in its metaphorical face, make a decision, and look forward to the day of travel when the stress of all those decisions won't mean a thing.

Stress. It happens to everyone.  No matter the trigger, we just have to remember that it is one more obstacle to overcome.  In most cases there is brightness on the other side.

a little background - how I got here

I'm going to try to make this brief... Really? Who am I kidding?! To give you an accurate background on where I am today, I have to tell my story.  And, brief? It is not.  But I'm anxious to get out another post, so I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotations and save my story for the next post.

bipolar pregnancy - #1

Here it is - my first post! (Yikes!)

I'm going to start off by telling you, straight out - I am bipolar.  With medication, I have been managing my disorder successfully for quite a while (more on that in the future).  I am starting this blog to document my journey to start a family... sounds simple, and kind of boring, doesn't it?  But I know that as a bipolar woman, I will be facing some unique decisions and difficulties, and I want to share my story in the hope to connect with others who have been, are in, or will be in my situation.