Saturday Song Day

This song starting playing from my phone yesterday. My phone has a magical mix of diverse music that my husband created just for me. I couldn't help but start singing and swaying/dancing along. I end up doing that quite a bit.

So, say hello to the 80's again.

Below is an interesting, somewhat strange, and intriguing music video for "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper. The song I have is actually a cover by Phil Collins.

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors
True colors are beautiful, 

Like a rainbow.

You said it, Cyndi! Our true colors ARE beautiful!

Music. Music is My Life

Music 

a poem by Louise A. Peppe

Music is my heart -

beating on a cold, dreary, January day.

Music is my heart, 

like a drum, almost skipping beats, 

becoming a series of

"beeeep. bop. beeep. bop. beeep. bop"s.

Music;

It will fly away, like a hummingbird,

happily making its way home 

under the hot July sun.

Music is my heart, 

Pounding.

Pitter-pattering.

Pitter-pattering.

Slowing down.

Becoming an even, everlasting beat.

That will always speed up, and slow down, and speed up again.

Music, like my heart -

It will 

Never

Stop

Beating. 

My life would be nothing like it is now without the addition music. I grew up with music. It has molded me, shaped me, roughened my edges, smoothed bumpy roads, slapped me, congratulated me, hugged me, knocked me down, and picked me back up.

Music is intertwined with my heart, my soul, and my spirit.

It is my life. Singing, dancing, and skip-hopping along. Every Single Day.

So... Today I'll share some of this music.
Music that has touched me, shot directly into my core.

In the words of Brian Adams, these two songs... they come:

Straight from the heart.

Below is a live performance of Racing Like a Pro by The National.
Favorite lyrics from this song are the chorus, starting with:

Your mind is racing like a pro, now

Oh my God, it doesn't mean a lot to you

and this simple, yet revealing, verse:

Sometimes you get up and bake a cake or something

Sometimes you stay in bed

But to keep things upbeat and end on a positive note, I'll leave you with another favorite song.
Below is the official music video for Stay Positive by The Hold Steady.

To sum it up:

Whoa ho ah, whoa ho, ah, whoa ho ah, We've gotta stay positive.

Recharging.....

So, I woke up this morning and my super-fantastic smart phone was dead. Very, very dead.
Not 13%, not 7%, not 3%. 0 percent.

I can't help but think of my phone's dead battery as a unique metaphor for the deep-rooted tiredness that is currently traveling through my body, through my "electric" circuitry.

It amazes me, nearly every day, how the human body can persist under severe mental and physical stress, how almost every human being has the ability to wake up, to rise from nothing, and become something. Something BIG. Something that can change the world.

Somehow, the universe, God, or whatever one chooses to believe in, it whispers quietly, yet urgently: RUN. CHARGE. Get up out of the gutter. Return to 100%. NOW.

DON'T WAIT ANOTHER SECOND

Because waiting.... waiting can equal death. D-E-A-T-H.
Death of the body, death of the mind. Or, heaven/universe forbidding, both.

Take, for example, the runners, helpless victims, and numerous heros of the 2013 Boston Marathon. These determined human beings not only persisted, but became ever stronger after the tragic bombing on April 15th.

Or think of those countless times when you haven't allowed yourself adequate time to recharge and make up a long-standing sleep debt. Sleep debts are dangerous.

I know, with a heavy heart, that my sleep debt is enormous.

But, as my husband Brad likes to say, "It's like eating an elephant." You just gotta take it bite by bite, and eventually, whatever your elephant may be, it will one day disappear. You won't even realize it. Suddenly, it will just be gone. Vanished. One day, with the help of a friend, with the help of whatever God or flower or tree or sky that you pray to, your elephant will vanish. It will vanish, and it will be gone. Not just for now, not just for a few days, or a week, or a year. Your elephant will dissolve, and it will break up into a million little pieces that are brushed away, brushed aside, swept up, and swept away.

For good. And YOU. Yes, YOU were the one that made it happen. Not your friend. Not your God.

YOU.
----------------

So, each night I go to sleep feeling as though I could sleep for a week. I "plug myself in". I recharge. But, alas, it won't be enough. I must wake up and do my job. I must wake up and live my life. And I love it. I LOVE MY STRUGGLE because I OWN MY STRUGGLE. ME, and no one else.
"Every day I'm shuffling"

"Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO

Kudos to the ladies in the "Shake That" video (link above) for shakin' it! Nice to see some women gettin' down with it for a change! Remember, ladies, if a man does something (breakdancing, for example), SO CAN YOU! And, you can absolutely ROCK at that thing.

Talk to ya later. I'm off to do my job. To bring in some smackaroos. To make the big bucks.
I'll be out there. Shuffling. You better believe I'll be shaking.
Oh yeah, I'll shake that.

ciao, adios. (for now).

Return to Normalcy

I feel it coming.

I feel the change.

I'm returning to my normal. Myself, my being.

My "normal" is a good place to be. And I'd like to stay there - forever.

What is normal, anyway?

Normal, for me, means being balanced. Not manic, not depressed. A bit hypomanic, possibly... but in a safe place - somewhere between the darkness and the blinding white light.

That's where normal lies.

Can you reach it? I know I can. I can stay balanced. I can win this fight. 

And, here I am.

me!

This was taking during our honeymoon. Fun times!

Life's Not Fair!!!!

My favorite expression when I was younger ... all thanks to my wonderful father.

Still a favorite expression of mine.

Sooooo... they've tinkered with my meds. So, something is different. So, I'm not sleeping again! Yippee, isn't that fantastic?

Oh yeah, fantastic like Mr. Fantastic Fox. Just fantastic I say. GRRR. I know it's all for the best. But in the meantime, I say F it. Just F it. Ya know?

I depend on my psychiatrist more than I should. I trust that he'll make everything perfect. But perfect doesn't exist, so I shouldn't expect perfect. NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT.

So, LIFE'S NOT FAIR, and there is NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT.

The End.

Vulnerability

I'm feeling vulnerable right now.

Super-duper vulnerable.

I've put myself out there and I wait. I wait for someone new to recognize me. Tell me that's it's OK what I'm doing. That I deserve to tell my truth.

Tell your truth. Tell it to me. Tell it to someone. Someone wants to hear it.

Be vulnerable. Be you. Just do it. Right now. Comment. Please. For me. For you. For everyone.

It's the right thing.