Oh, baby!

The last time I posted here was last year. Not only was it last year, but it was May of last year. Months ago.

I'd say that not much has changed, and that I didn't write because I had nothing to say. But, that's not true. I didn't write because I felt I had no reason to. Writing is therapy for me.. and I just didn't need it. I didn't feel the need to express myself. I've been stable, and I've been feeling good about life.

But I do have news. It's old news, at this point.. but news, nonetheless.

I'm pregnant! The baby is due around the middle of February. My husband and I are super happy and excited to welcome the new addition to our family.

So, things are great. And the funny thing is that I started this blog specifically because I was anxious about being pregnant and how it would affect my mood. I thought that I would need this outlet to talk about strong emotions and mood swings during pregnancy. But, I haven't needed to. I've been remarkably stable. I haven't had any of the stereotypical pregnancy moods swings. So, really, things have been great. And I probably won't be writing much in the near future.

For now, I'll just be enjoying the last weeks of pregnancy and getting ready for baby. Pretty soon, our lives are going to change, and they will never be the same again. And we couldn't be happier.

Thanks, Mom

First and foremost: Mom, I love you. You gave me life. You gave me joy. You gave me everything I have needed in life to survive and thrive.

We've had some difficult times, you and I.
But, we've made it through.

Why?

love 

Love trumps all.

Love trumps negativity.

Love will squash negativity like an insect reduced to nothing but guts and a dark spot on the pavement.
(not that I am endorsing squashing our little insect friends, lol)

We can try to change. We can try to take those negatives and make them positives....
(and we probably should)
but, we need not worry about these things during every second of every day.

Always, always remember: Remember Love.

I will be here for my mom for as long as I live. And she will be here for me for as long as she lives.

How can one deny the connection that a daughter has with her mother? Or that a son has with his mother? I admire SO much about my mother, but I suppose it should all start with the simple fact that She gave me life. She gave me life and carried me with her for months (months!) until that day, on December 28, when she was ready to let me go and I was ready to say hello to this great big world.

Motherly devotion and investment? Yes.

I am not a mother, but I hope to one day have a similar connection with my own children...
Little tiny humans who will grow to be not so little anymore.
They will grow and grow and grow...
And one day, maybe in an instant, maybe over a few days, maybe over a few weeks, maybe years....
I hope I will have a best friend for life.

:)

Strengths & Weaknesses

What are your strengths?
What are your weaknesses?

These questions can haunt one's life. I suppose they have sometimes haunted mine.

Name five.

Five strengths? Ok.

I'm:
smart, beautiful, funny, caring, sensitive, diligent

Five weaknesses?

No. Not today. That's just not okay. I can't go there.

But why? Why is it so hard to accept our negative qualities? To put them out there? To tell the world our faults?

I think it is because it is painful.
It is hard to tell another person what one lacks.

This is not to say that each one of us is all rainbows and butterflies and made of supertastic lovely characteristics.

I know that I most certainly am not.

But, remember:
no one is perfect. 
Perfect is boring.

You see, this is the way I see it. I prefer to look at the glass half full.
What good is the glass half empty?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why focus on the negative???

Why repeat the pattern of beating yourself up, time and time again, by saying you are not good enough?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You are good enough. 

You are worth it. You are special. 
You are unique. You are brave. 
You are everything the world wants you to be.
And more..... 

always remember

always and forever.

You are loved.

:)

I'm Alive. Yes, Alive.

I've heard it before.

Someone utters: "I'll find the time." or "I'll make time."

I've never really thought about these expressions... until recently. Somehow, my life just started taking over my life. That sounds silly - to say that my life started taking over my life. But it's the truth.

It seems like I was just going about living my life, going about my daily tasks, chores, and whatnot... and I suddenly "woke up" and realized that, during the course of one day, I have a whole lot that I want to do. There sure is a mountain of stuff (to use a general, meaningless term) that I feel needs to get done.

So, suddenly, I've realized....

I'm alive.
I'm living.
I love my life.
Every day, I wake up, and I'm excited.
I'm happy.
I can't wait to get my day started.

Who is this person?
Who have I become?

I have become ME. I am who I am.

It's how humans are built. No two people are exactly alike. And no two people should be alike.

A little side note here: Why is it that so many people never outgrow the "copycat" stage of life? There is a stage in life in which one does what another does because they want to be like the other person. But when does that stage of life stop being a stage? What is it that makes a person start copying another because they want to BE that person (not just like him or her)? 

Family members, colleagues, and peers... They can be models that might one day become idols. I am lucky to say that, in my life, I have had so many individuals and groups of people that have been, and still are, stand outs. I look back on my life of 29+ years, and I see numerous individuals that have been stellar idols at one point in time... And I didn't even realize it. At the time, I had no idea how much those people would eventually mean to me. I had no idea they would shape my life and shape who I would one day become.

Now, I strive to BE one of those people.
I endeavor to be the gal that everyone can (almost always) depend on. Someone who can always put a smile on someone else's face. Someone who is always peppy and always smiling.

I want to live up to my name. Peppe.

When I was younger, I had a huge smile that matched my humongous eyes. I looked at the world with wonder. I couldn't get enough of what I saw. I played with frogs, bugs, and butterflies. I chased rainbows and raindrops. I smiled, and I smiled wide.  Today, I can only imagine what I looked like as a little girl... but when I think of myself, I imagine my wide eyes sparkling as I watched everyone and everything around me, waiting patiently for my time in the spotlight. I soaked up everything around me, like a sponge.

I was full to the brim with wonder, joy, and love... and all of this created an everlasting brightness inside of me, in my core, the very essence of my being.

And I became a bright, steady light.

But one day, my light went out. I became sullen, dark, and devoid of the joy that once filled my body, my mind, and my soul. Something had extinguished my flame... but not entirely. The light inside me continued to flicker. On, and off. On, and off.  This happened for weeks. Weeks became months, and months because years.

I was a shadow of my former self.

BUT.

BUT.

I was still there.

I was hiding under a rock. Not just a pebble or a small stone, but a massive boulder. And it would not move. Instead, I had to chip away at it. Day by day, night by night. I started carving away at the giant weight that was holding me back and keeping me down. Bit by bit. Sometimes, I made progress - so much so that I felt as if the rock were gone. But this massive boulder... it never disappeared. It was just that eventually, over time, it became smaller. Less visible. Instead of shards of sunlight peering at me through darkness, I could actually see entire portions of the sky. I could see the beautiful, bountiful blue sky, speckled with clouds, decorated with the sun, or splattered with stars and the glorious moon.

The rock was disappearing, 
and I was coming back.


I am back. I am who I was becoming as a youngster. Wide eyed, grinning, and full of joy. The world is my oyster, and I'm ready for it.

Saturday Song Day

This song starting playing from my phone yesterday. My phone has a magical mix of diverse music that my husband created just for me. I couldn't help but start singing and swaying/dancing along. I end up doing that quite a bit.

So, say hello to the 80's again.

Below is an interesting, somewhat strange, and intriguing music video for "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper. The song I have is actually a cover by Phil Collins.

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors
True colors are beautiful, 

Like a rainbow.

You said it, Cyndi! Our true colors ARE beautiful!

Music. Music is My Life

Music 

a poem by Louise A. Peppe

Music is my heart -

beating on a cold, dreary, January day.

Music is my heart, 

like a drum, almost skipping beats, 

becoming a series of

"beeeep. bop. beeep. bop. beeep. bop"s.

Music;

It will fly away, like a hummingbird,

happily making its way home 

under the hot July sun.

Music is my heart, 

Pounding.

Pitter-pattering.

Pitter-pattering.

Slowing down.

Becoming an even, everlasting beat.

That will always speed up, and slow down, and speed up again.

Music, like my heart -

It will 

Never

Stop

Beating. 

My life would be nothing like it is now without the addition music. I grew up with music. It has molded me, shaped me, roughened my edges, smoothed bumpy roads, slapped me, congratulated me, hugged me, knocked me down, and picked me back up.

Music is intertwined with my heart, my soul, and my spirit.

It is my life. Singing, dancing, and skip-hopping along. Every Single Day.

So... Today I'll share some of this music.
Music that has touched me, shot directly into my core.

In the words of Brian Adams, these two songs... they come:

Straight from the heart.

Below is a live performance of Racing Like a Pro by The National.
Favorite lyrics from this song are the chorus, starting with:

Your mind is racing like a pro, now

Oh my God, it doesn't mean a lot to you

and this simple, yet revealing, verse:

Sometimes you get up and bake a cake or something

Sometimes you stay in bed

But to keep things upbeat and end on a positive note, I'll leave you with another favorite song.
Below is the official music video for Stay Positive by The Hold Steady.

To sum it up:

Whoa ho ah, whoa ho, ah, whoa ho ah, We've gotta stay positive.

Recharging.....

So, I woke up this morning and my super-fantastic smart phone was dead. Very, very dead.
Not 13%, not 7%, not 3%. 0 percent.

I can't help but think of my phone's dead battery as a unique metaphor for the deep-rooted tiredness that is currently traveling through my body, through my "electric" circuitry.

It amazes me, nearly every day, how the human body can persist under severe mental and physical stress, how almost every human being has the ability to wake up, to rise from nothing, and become something. Something BIG. Something that can change the world.

Somehow, the universe, God, or whatever one chooses to believe in, it whispers quietly, yet urgently: RUN. CHARGE. Get up out of the gutter. Return to 100%. NOW.

DON'T WAIT ANOTHER SECOND

Because waiting.... waiting can equal death. D-E-A-T-H.
Death of the body, death of the mind. Or, heaven/universe forbidding, both.

Take, for example, the runners, helpless victims, and numerous heros of the 2013 Boston Marathon. These determined human beings not only persisted, but became ever stronger after the tragic bombing on April 15th.

Or think of those countless times when you haven't allowed yourself adequate time to recharge and make up a long-standing sleep debt. Sleep debts are dangerous.

I know, with a heavy heart, that my sleep debt is enormous.

But, as my husband Brad likes to say, "It's like eating an elephant." You just gotta take it bite by bite, and eventually, whatever your elephant may be, it will one day disappear. You won't even realize it. Suddenly, it will just be gone. Vanished. One day, with the help of a friend, with the help of whatever God or flower or tree or sky that you pray to, your elephant will vanish. It will vanish, and it will be gone. Not just for now, not just for a few days, or a week, or a year. Your elephant will dissolve, and it will break up into a million little pieces that are brushed away, brushed aside, swept up, and swept away.

For good. And YOU. Yes, YOU were the one that made it happen. Not your friend. Not your God.

YOU.
----------------

So, each night I go to sleep feeling as though I could sleep for a week. I "plug myself in". I recharge. But, alas, it won't be enough. I must wake up and do my job. I must wake up and live my life. And I love it. I LOVE MY STRUGGLE because I OWN MY STRUGGLE. ME, and no one else.
"Every day I'm shuffling"

"Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO

Kudos to the ladies in the "Shake That" video (link above) for shakin' it! Nice to see some women gettin' down with it for a change! Remember, ladies, if a man does something (breakdancing, for example), SO CAN YOU! And, you can absolutely ROCK at that thing.

Talk to ya later. I'm off to do my job. To bring in some smackaroos. To make the big bucks.
I'll be out there. Shuffling. You better believe I'll be shaking.
Oh yeah, I'll shake that.

ciao, adios. (for now).