(click on song title for link to audio on youtube)
Today will be better, I Swear. Easier said than done, right?
Right now my life is one string of cliches all jumbled together and jutting up against one another. I know that things WILL be better, eventually... but currently, while in the midst of trying to improve things and get back to "normalcy", I have discovered one simple fact:
Life is hard.
I already knew that.. but, recently I've discovered just how hard life can be.
When things are bad, I try my best to focus on the positive. I try my best to focus on the day ahead of me instead of the day behind me. I try, and I try, and I try. But sometimes I feel like trying isn't good enough. Sometimes I try and try and try... and I never seem to succeed. I just get bogged down in the nitty gritty, in the details that don't matter... I simply get bogged down by something. It is frustrating, oftentimes saddening, and extraordinarily difficult.
It is emotionally draining to trudge through life when it is difficult. And that is why, I believe, all of us need some sort of outlet or coping mechanism to utilize when our feelings are just too much to bear. We all need some sort of escape. I escape from everyday life through anything relaxing and through a number of artistic or creative endeavors (food, music, exercise, being outside, painting, etc..). I enjoy these things even if I believe that I'm not particularly good at them :)
And, in order to be happy and not just trudge through life everyday, my personality dictates some other basic needs that I have. If these needs aren't met, I feel lost, frustrated, and confined... I basically feel like I am not myself. To me, these needs are a big deal. They are important, and they actually include some of the coping mechanisms I just mentioned.
My Needs (i.e. How to Keep Louise Happy, a list in progress)
- I need space, breathing room, and independence.
- I need to have the ability to absorb and digest information.
- I need to eat properly, sleep a reasonable amount of time, and exercise regularly.
Recently, I have found it difficult to satisfy all of my basic needs. I love my baby with all my heart, but he altered the course of my life (as I knew he would). Some of the detours and route changes that he created were good, but, at times, I found myself headed in the wrong direction. Starting with the delivery of our precious little man and ending with a brief psychiatric hospitalization, there were numerous complications and obstacles that we had to overcome.... and life got hard. Really hard.
So, here I am.
Life is different now, and it will never be the same. I just have to remember to put myself first. I need to remember my needs. I can compromise on some of them, but, I know now that if I compromise on too many of my basic needs for too long, I (and everyone around me) will just end up unhappy, frustrated, angry, sad, etc...
So, it doesn't matter what transpired yesterday. I'm just going to focus on the present and the future. Exploring the past is something better left to psychologists or therapists and the like. Eventually, I'll need to take all of the skeletons out of my closet and relive the past. But, for now, I'm going to try my best to be optimistic and not get caught up in the ugly nitty gritty of daily life. I'm just going to remember that today will be better.
I swear.
No comments:
Post a Comment