Self-acceptance, Always (and a Mary Lambert Song)

This could be a Saturday Song Day post (on a Monday), but I feel it is so much more.

Last year, I heard one of Mary Lambert's songs on the radio, and I really liked it. I was reminded of that song while reading Being Known as Bipolar Mom, a post from 2014 over at bipolarmom.com. Then I got to thinking... Mary Lambert mentions that she's "got bipolar disorder" in the song, but was that the truth? I did some investigating (thanks Wikipedia), and, yep, it is true. I discovered her website, and that brought me to watch the video below. Powerful stuff.

Body Love (Part 1 & 2) by Mary Lambert

This video touched me in more ways than one, and the lyrics are powerful. The title of the song may be "Body Love", but the song addresses so much more than self-image relating to one's body. It addresses self-acceptance of one's body, and so much more....

.... I only know how to exist when I am wanted

We're used up, and we're sad, and drunk and

Perpetually waiting by the phone for someone to pick up

And tell us that we did good

We did good.

One of the things I always try to remember is the idea that I am good enough. This is something that I've struggled with in the past, but nowadays it usually comes naturally to me. It is some kind of self-affirmation.
I am good enough, and my happiness is important.

But, oftentimes, life decides to challenge my self-acceptance, and, I find myself once again pondering --
Am I good enough? 

When my son was born, I had a mental health crisis. I still don't really know what to call it. It was mania combined with some sort of postpartum mood disorder. The label doesn't really matter.  What does matter is that, when the skies had cleared, and I was finally more like "myself" again, I found myself feeling ashamed, embarrassed, upset, angry, and full of regret. I found myself again questioning, wondering --
What do people think of me? and Am I good enough the way I am, no matter what?

The thing is, I have come to (for the most part) accept the everyday, "normal" Louise. The Louise that has a handle on her mental illness. The Louise that has some mild mood swings, but is basically stable and mentally healthy.

But, the "sick" Louise? What of her? What happens when I get knocked down by something? What happens when there is some sort of trigger and I turn from the everyday me into the not-really-me me? I always rebound from these episodes. Always. And I feel that I always will. But the problem lies not in the episode itself but the aftermath. Because once I've recovered, I shouldn't have that seed of negativity planted inside me. I should, instead, have a seed of positivity. I should be full of hope.

In Mary Lambert's words:

You are a goddamned tree stump with leaves sprouting out.

Reborn.