Alternate title: I Went Crazy When I Decided I Wanted to Have a Baby
In December, upon consulting with my psychiatrist regarding wanting to get pregnant, we decided that I should go off my medication and see if I could live my life without it... I guess we were testing the waters. The reason I wanted to go off the medication is because the medication I was on is known to cause harm to a human fetus during the first trimester. Due to a number of factors including insufficient sleep, spring arriving, and stress from my job, I became hypomanic.
Cue the upbeat music with a lovely catchy tempo! Aha, yeah! Cue the maniacal little drummer boy. Yippee!
But wait, crap... what comes next? That's right, mania! Well, maybe.
(Oh shit... been there, done that... didn't and still don't want to do it again)
Hypomania does not have to be a big deal - I can function efficiently while hypomanic. As does (I'm well aware) my father. Apparently "normal" people running on little sleep can become hypomanic and can function efficiently. I was told by my psychiatrist that this (the "useful" hypomania) happens to doctors; there can be times when doctors hardly sleep due to their work schedules (here I think of the ER and "on-call" docs). How do you think these "normal" people deal with hypomania? And are they really "normal"? I bet "useful" hypomania also happens to new Moms and Dads around the world - but who am I to guess at that? (Side note: obviously, I am not a doctor or a Mom.) But I digress.
But, no no, I'm not "normal", am I? Of course not! I'm an individual with the magic curse: Bipolar Disorder! I've got a mental illness, so they say ;)
Please note that I place the word normal in quotes for a reason. Is there really such a thing as normal???? (I think not.)
Eventually my hypomania lead to a "manic break"... or at least I think it probably was, or was thisclose to being one. For those of you that do not know, mania is more severe than hypomania, and it can be dangerous. A person that is manic cannot properly take care of themselves without assistance (readers - if there are any of you out there - please correct me if you think I'm wrong in that statement). My period of mania was very short because of my husband. He knew that something was wrong and he took action. My husband is my rock - always there when I need to lean on him. My parents helped out, too... It seemed like my entire family was, in a way, in on the action (fun times for them, yes? NO, more like SCARY times for them).
So, to make a long story short, I'm now on medication again. It's a different medication than the ones I've been on in the past, but it seems to be working... for the most part. (except for the fact that I didn't sleep a wink last night - cue the OH SHIT). And, thankfully, the doctors that I have spoken with all agree that the medication I am currently taking is one of the safest medications to be on during early pregnancy. And no, I'm not pregnant; I'm just taking necessary precautions.
Being self-aware is fun, yes???????And P.S. Sorry I was hiding under a rock for approximately FOREVER (exaggeration, kind of). OOPS. The rock/very large pebble just wouldn't budge, if ya know what I mean ;)
I wish I could be as courageous and BRAVE as the mom from Bipolar Mom Life
By that, I mean, I wish I could put my face on this blog.... maybe one day?!
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