I'm Alive. Yes, Alive.

I've heard it before.

Someone utters: "I'll find the time." or "I'll make time."

I've never really thought about these expressions... until recently. Somehow, my life just started taking over my life. That sounds silly - to say that my life started taking over my life. But it's the truth.

It seems like I was just going about living my life, going about my daily tasks, chores, and whatnot... and I suddenly "woke up" and realized that, during the course of one day, I have a whole lot that I want to do. There sure is a mountain of stuff (to use a general, meaningless term) that I feel needs to get done.

So, suddenly, I've realized....

I'm alive.
I'm living.
I love my life.
Every day, I wake up, and I'm excited.
I'm happy.
I can't wait to get my day started.

Who is this person?
Who have I become?

I have become ME. I am who I am.

It's how humans are built. No two people are exactly alike. And no two people should be alike.

A little side note here: Why is it that so many people never outgrow the "copycat" stage of life? There is a stage in life in which one does what another does because they want to be like the other person. But when does that stage of life stop being a stage? What is it that makes a person start copying another because they want to BE that person (not just like him or her)? 

Family members, colleagues, and peers... They can be models that might one day become idols. I am lucky to say that, in my life, I have had so many individuals and groups of people that have been, and still are, stand outs. I look back on my life of 29+ years, and I see numerous individuals that have been stellar idols at one point in time... And I didn't even realize it. At the time, I had no idea how much those people would eventually mean to me. I had no idea they would shape my life and shape who I would one day become.

Now, I strive to BE one of those people.
I endeavor to be the gal that everyone can (almost always) depend on. Someone who can always put a smile on someone else's face. Someone who is always peppy and always smiling.

I want to live up to my name. Peppe.

When I was younger, I had a huge smile that matched my humongous eyes. I looked at the world with wonder. I couldn't get enough of what I saw. I played with frogs, bugs, and butterflies. I chased rainbows and raindrops. I smiled, and I smiled wide.  Today, I can only imagine what I looked like as a little girl... but when I think of myself, I imagine my wide eyes sparkling as I watched everyone and everything around me, waiting patiently for my time in the spotlight. I soaked up everything around me, like a sponge.

I was full to the brim with wonder, joy, and love... and all of this created an everlasting brightness inside of me, in my core, the very essence of my being.

And I became a bright, steady light.

But one day, my light went out. I became sullen, dark, and devoid of the joy that once filled my body, my mind, and my soul. Something had extinguished my flame... but not entirely. The light inside me continued to flicker. On, and off. On, and off.  This happened for weeks. Weeks became months, and months because years.

I was a shadow of my former self.

BUT.

BUT.

I was still there.

I was hiding under a rock. Not just a pebble or a small stone, but a massive boulder. And it would not move. Instead, I had to chip away at it. Day by day, night by night. I started carving away at the giant weight that was holding me back and keeping me down. Bit by bit. Sometimes, I made progress - so much so that I felt as if the rock were gone. But this massive boulder... it never disappeared. It was just that eventually, over time, it became smaller. Less visible. Instead of shards of sunlight peering at me through darkness, I could actually see entire portions of the sky. I could see the beautiful, bountiful blue sky, speckled with clouds, decorated with the sun, or splattered with stars and the glorious moon.

The rock was disappearing, 
and I was coming back.


I am back. I am who I was becoming as a youngster. Wide eyed, grinning, and full of joy. The world is my oyster, and I'm ready for it.